15 signs you’re getting old

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My mam once told me that she wakes up and she’s 18. Then she tries to get out of bed and she’s 80. I know what she means – some days I wake up and I still feel I should be heading off to sixth form. Which is why I spent a half hour squealing on the swings in the local playground last week. (It was Mr 50 Cents fault as he was pushing me too high.)

So how do you know when you’re getting old? Well, I’ve discovered that there are some subtle signs to watch out for…

  • You need to put your glasses on before you can paint your nails
  • You start putting the definite article before things you’re not sure about: “Mary, he’s on the Twitter again”
  • Street ads mean nothing to you but you stop dead when you see a poster advertising a 1980s reunion concert featuring Tony Hadley, Belinda Carlisle and – joy of joys – Altered Images
  • You have to go right up close to said poster because you haven’t brought your glasses out with you
  • You walk away muttering that 72 point isn’t as big as it used to be in your day
  • You look in the mirror and your mam looks back at you
  • You don sunglasses before opening your wardrobe as there are so many sequins on your clothes
  • You call your young work colleagues “pet” and “son” and say “bless” when they screw up
  • Boiled sweets start to appeal but you worry about cracking your teeth
  • You realise that the Girl From Mars is 21 this year and it still shocks you that Tim Wheeler and his mates aren’t teenagers any more
  • Young kids stop playing football to let the “missus” past – and they’re talking about you
  • You need to scroll at least three times down a list to find your birth year on online forms
  • Your see an ex-boyfriend and he looks like an old man
  • You realise that your ex-boyfriends are old(er) men
  • Then you remember that one “encounter” actually won’t even be 40 yet… and you realise the best sign of getting old is that you have a whole load of lovely memories to look back on

What are your signs of getting old? Let me know below…

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